My soon-to-be-written Book

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 7, 2009 17:53:20 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 7, 2009 17:53:20 GMT -5 I cant wait to read it. when you get it published I am going to buy it.
	click on Leon!

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 8, 2009 16:54:11 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 8, 2009 16:54:11 GMT -5 loooove the story. Aeora is my fav character.
	click on Leon!

neo Guest	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 8, 2009 16:58:40 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by neo on Apr 8, 2009 16:58:40 GMT -5 That was pretty awesome. A few typos here and there, but that was very well written.

neo
Guest

My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 9, 2009 17:07:00 GMT -5

Quote

Post by neo on Apr 9, 2009 17:07:00 GMT -5

Well for starters, some of your sentences are a little hard to follow, as in they don't follow the English language correctly. Most of it's due to you jamming everything into a single sentence instead of breaking things apart.

It was the Lithols’ Piece.; the fifth was pale yellow like the Sun’s illuminating rays, for the Elves.; sixth, a light amethyst purple like the high mountains that surrounded every edge of land, which was kept by the Dwarves; and the seventh was a silverish white that represented all of the purifying waters that came in rain, streams, rivers, lakes, and oceans around the Earth.

I'd just get rid of the semi-colons in it, and just make each thought a new sentence.

Each of them was the ruler of their kind; Elves, Men, Dwarves, Faeries, Haichans, Ziólors, and Líthols.

This right here may have just been a typo, but in case it wasn't, a semi-colon (

is supposed to be used to separate two different thoughts. A colon (

is used to give out things in a sequence. Such as, "The list is as follows: thing 1, thing 2, and thing 3." In this case, I bet you meant to use a colon.

There was an evil being by the name of Mahambäraid who was the only creature besides the sovereigns who could wield the powerful pieces of the Heart of Aferiman and bend their power to his will.

This is a matter of wordiness. Again, it's a little hard to follow. I still get the gist of it, but it still needs some work. I'd consider revising that a little.

Once they were all seated around the stone table set there by Aferiman for this such purpose, Evéralon stood.

Here, you said "for this such purpose." This such isn't good diction, at least for what you're trying to convey here. I'd probably just go with "for this purpose." It's simpler, not as confusing, and to the point.

That's just a start. All I really did was copy&paste into Microsoft Word and ran a spelling and grammar check. When you're trying to get your work published, it's typically a good idea to do that, along with reading and re-reading.

I hope this helped.

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 9, 2009 19:50:13 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 9, 2009 19:50:13 GMT -5 thats how my sis thought of her names in her novels.
	click on Leon!

Lilymon Ultimate wants pie........ Posts: 1,176	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 11, 2009 17:37:35 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lilymon on Apr 11, 2009 17:37:35 GMT -5 wait what happened to all my stuffs? what happened to the prologue? WHY ISN'T ANYTHING I'VE POSTED SHOWING UUPPPPPPP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
	No child wants their father to be disappointed in them....but no child can help it if who they are is disappointing to their father.

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 11, 2009 21:22:47 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 11, 2009 21:22:47 GMT -5 nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
	click on Leon!

Lilymon Ultimate wants pie........ Posts: 1,176	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 11, 2009 21:49:53 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lilymon on Apr 11, 2009 21:49:53 GMT -5 AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where did it all go?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? why isn't it there??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?
	No child wants their father to be disappointed in them....but no child can help it if who they are is disappointing to their father.

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 12, 2009 14:25:07 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 12, 2009 14:25:07 GMT -5 Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
	click on Leon!

Lilymon Ultimate wants pie........ Posts: 1,176	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 12, 2009 15:36:25 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lilymon on Apr 12, 2009 15:36:25 GMT -5 is there a way to erase this and start another one?
	No child wants their father to be disappointed in them....but no child can help it if who they are is disappointing to their father.

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 13, 2009 21:26:55 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 13, 2009 21:26:55 GMT -5 Idk.
	click on Leon!

Lilymon Ultimate wants pie........ Posts: 1,176	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 13, 2009 21:29:25 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lilymon on Apr 13, 2009 21:29:25 GMT -5 MSGM said to erase all of my posts and THAT will delete it but what about everyone elses posts? where do thay go?
	No child wants their father to be disappointed in them....but no child can help it if who they are is disappointing to their father.

Lilymon Ultimate wants pie........ Posts: 1,176	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 14, 2009 11:13:03 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lilymon on Apr 14, 2009 11:13:03 GMT -5 i hate to delete it all but i don't know how to delete the thread otherwise. would you guys delete your posts please? i want to start a new thread for this but that won't happen until everything here is wiped out.
	No child wants their father to be disappointed in them....but no child can help it if who they are is disappointing to their father.

digimonlover101 Kaiser Posts: 3,695	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 14, 2009 18:20:14 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by digimonlover101 on Apr 14, 2009 18:20:14 GMT -5 I think other peoples post get deleted too.
	click on Leon!

Deji Administrator Theosphir Strike! Posts: 2,357	My soon-to-be-written Book Apr 15, 2009 9:11:03 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deji on Apr 15, 2009 9:11:03 GMT -5 No, just lilly's. now everyone has to delete what they posted here manually.
	It's hammer time.

Deleted: Ah, so that's what the post in the music topic meant. Looks like you accidentally inserted it into your post, where I made no reference to being left alone on here. Jan 24, 2014 11:31:16 GMT -5

Deleted: If any members are reading this at all, all your settings will have been changed when proboards upgraded. You'll have to reactivate all your notifications etc. Feb 15, 2014 12:55:00 GMT -5

Deleted: The new series ahs a name: "Digimon Adventure tri." as well as a new art style. Actually hoping Saban do NOT get it as it's bound to be more mature to pull in the original Adventure crowd. Dec 13, 2014 12:47:28 GMT -5